It was 5:05 pm on a Friday afternoon when the doctors office called and confirmed what I viscerally knew- our precious baby was confirmed to have CMV infection.
Every single wish, hope, dream, aspiration and picture of life with two children vanished.
We were told our baby would not survive delivery. We spent many weeks researching and talking trying to anticipate what the birth for our baby would look like.
Through a nurse and a local mom who I connected with in a grieving group, we found Ryan House and we were swiftly admitted to their perinatal palliative care program. Our new safety net.
We felt home. We didn’t have to continue calling funeral homes for the baby that was kicking and rolling inexplicably in my stomach- Ryan House would do it for us.
We didn’t have to have the burden of death, but we now had the empowerment of life- because Ryan House helps take care of everything.
We just had to be a family.
The day came that our baby girl was to join us on earth. She came earlier than scheduled. I felt the edge of the door of her life creeping closer to being closed each second I spent in labor. The fear was hard. The emotions were hard. But she came to be with us.
She stayed with us. And suddenly that door wasn’t closed, but it was open. Baby girl decided to stay with us and thrive off of the web of love and support we spent 15 weeks weaving.
Her life had opened that door I spent 15 weeks thinking was closed. She is not the daughter I thought, she is not the daughter I anticipated. She is more. She has opened a million and one doors with her life, her journey, her strength and her ability to endeavor. She has pulled us as her family through doors I never thought possible and we have met life changes in ways I could never conceive without her. Her diagnosis was not an end that day to life as we thought- it was only a beginning of a wild, amazingly hard, mostly uphill, but awful beautiful journey of love and the power of community support.
Without the support of our “community”, we would not be where we are today. Without Ryan House we would be without the safety and comfort of palliative care and the tools it brings us to care the best for Corrinne.